WHERE’S THE CHEMISTRY?

Whether chemistry can form over video depends solely on how closely both parties are making their virtual connection mimic an in-person connection. Perceived chemistry that develops over video, and is not present in real life, is not uncommon for singles who opted for video dating during the pandemic. Vetting skills are not the issue in such a disconnect, but rather the limits of a two-dimensional setting. “What’s happening is when we meet someone for the first time after video dating, there’s some familiarity already,” said Jacqueline Mendez, a licensed marriage-family therapist and certified sex therapist in Los Angeles. “We feel we know this person, but we really only know the presentation of this person.” A disadvantage of video dating is the inability to see a person’s full body and gestures. “We’re very keen on movement, that has to do with our visual cortex,” said Anne-Maartje Oud, a behavioral expert and adviser, based in Amsterdam. “We want to see people, but the fact is with video, it’s just a 2D setting, and that’s really difficult for our brain because we want to see everything else as well. So it’s not the interaction you need when you really want connection with somebody, because we don’t see every part of the body.” “Video gives us just one view of someone,” she said. “There’s a missing piece of the energy of the physicality of the person. So what ends up happening is that we start developing a fantasy of this person, just given the information that we have. And then the fantasy takes over and we start imagining what this person’s going to be like. We start imagining what it’s going to be like when we finally meet and we start feeding and nurturing this fantasy.” Meet up as soon as possible when it’s safe, and if not, try to understand how you can get more information about this person, not just by talking face to face. Maybe you want to see what they’re wearing or what books they have, but when it comes to body language and behavior, you need a lot more input than conversation. (Excerpts from New York Times / Love) Stay gracious, Linda Joy Mattson, Author (rosemattjoy)